Coffee Zombie

Use condoms!

2012-02-06T14:33:00.001-08:00

Now before I go ahead and start my little rant I have to admit something: I tend to be a tad mean sometimes, part of my charm really, you either love me or hate me but even so this does not explain a lot of peoples reactions.

I am so surprised lately to find that more and more people can`t handle criticism of any kind (be it jokingly or serious), although most of the time it is highly constructive, allows you to think outside the box, have a different view and help you improve, but God no, some people are so self absorbed, that they can`t even imagine themselves being less than right/perfect. And of course instead of shutting the hell up maintaining some sort of intelligent face or adopting a "let`s agree to disagree" attitude, which I for one respect, they`ll find themselves attacked and feel the need to strike back , but much like any animal that cannot locate a weak spot on their opponent, they`ll just start to agitate throwing their feces all over the place.

To all narrow minded narcissists out there one advice: get your heads out of your asses, no one really gives 2 shits about you and what you think, your uninteresting, uneventful, lacking any kind of personal accomplishments filled life. You are dumber than you think you`d be. Stop projecting your not so secret need of attention and confirmation, it only makes you look weak, dumb and not to mention presumptuous.

Also, in order for me to be insulted by any of you minions, I would first need to value your opinions.

And with this last conclusion i promise to end my long rant: stupid people, don`t you see that when someone says something of a critical nature, without providing names or clues that give away who they`re talking about, and you, like a tool that you are, feel offended, what you`re basically telling me is you recognize yourself in the above mentioned, which only means that you agree that the above applies to you. Basically dear tool, you`re admitting to your critic who never once said those words were aimed at you, that he is right. People like you are so dumb you don`t need people telling you so...

meh...some people, i swear

2012-02-01T12:41:00.000-08:00

come on now...get some big boy pants and relax..the internet is a big bad place...learn to stop taking it and yourself too seriously.

EDIT

2012-01-23T20:45:00.000-08:00

Hello fellow zombie workaholics ... just a quick update, last post was meant to annoy some people...did the job wonderfully...more people than I intended on pissing off got offended, so I say it was a good day.

This reminds me of my coffee break with some friends a while ago, I remember talking about the old days on the goth forum, when I was this guru , spoke fluent sarcasm and apparently people were intimidated by me, watched their words arguments and grammar around me...that was so cute to hear from an actual friend that felt the same before actually meeting me. She knows better now, that I`m actually pretty harmless and peaceful...oh but don`t let that kill my reputation :P I enjoy being hated...it`s better than being ignored. Also I find it amusing that no one knows my name but by my username? oh dear...I`m famous and it`s not like I`m any kind of online celebrity, I keep a rather low profile...must have been just the forum then...

Damn I must escape this vicious circle of work-internet-sleep, hmm...maybe if I quit my job...maybe.

Dear paper...

2012-01-22T16:38:00.000-08:00

...now paper I hope you don`t expect any personal notes here, no no doll, I have too much respect for me and the people I care about to display them here for all to see no no...we`ve talked about this...look up "personal" in the dictionary.

Now I know starting a note with "..." is unacceptable but call me a rebel call me a hipster call me anything just call me...seriously, this way I may just find my phone :) (that was soo ADD of me)

Focus Foofs focus...alright, well paper, everyday life has not changed so much since we last spoke, I may have changed just a tiny bit but I cannot tell whether for the better or for the worse, everybody is a little bit insane even though they can`t see it, and that really is just fine...

Oh paper, but I have found entertainment, you see , I used to feel annoyed with stupid people now I just enjoy every second of it, from the bimbo at work that gets confused by a PC mouse to the "drowning in its own saliva in his sleep" blogger... oh paper I had no idea the amount of moron I had to learn just to understand them but oooh paper it`s all so delicious...no use talking to them though....imune to reason or logic these people are, and this is where reasonably smart people fail and get gray hair before their time... you do not argue with an idiot, you`ll get so frustrated by their imposibility of grasping facts that you`ll go insane...no no...in such a conversation you do the following: identify IQ, if idiot then troll (informatics flashback) and enjoy yourself :)

Been forever since I met and talked to people more inteligent than I...and I consider myself just a little above average intelligence wise, so shouldn`t be so hard...but I suppose intelligent people you don`t normally find in clubs, bars, on facebook or god forbid myspace and livejournal ...

well my sleeping pill is getting cold...got to run..

need some sleep

2012-01-18T21:08:00.000-08:00

Want to know a little about your humble zombie writer? well....by what i write you could tell already: I`m old, fat, single, jobless, anorgasmic and i look like this: * arrow up *
I say I`m hanging in there, considering my let`s call them, missfortunes. Hey, not everybody is blessed you know...

But I do try to change you know, I sure am...I hear wearing all black is cool now (gotto be cool so i can think i`m better than everybody else out there, very important)...and having a mob mentality (uhhh, people have to like me you know...but not all, just the cool ones), being insecure is also in I hear, because, I hear, men like their women easy...hmmm what else?...should find me a man, I mean how else am I to pay my bills and get my food ?

One day I too will be pretty and have my own youtube vlog where I`ll talk about how important and interesting my life is...just you wait :D I have dreaaams...

dedication

2011-09-11T04:38:00.000-07:00

to my "obsession"

http://vimeo.com/13780191

love it!

nobody knows...

2011-09-07T15:59:00.000-07:00

tonight i felt ok, really ok, a bit loving too considering :) ...and at random i watched this movie Nobody knows, a charming movie about 4 brothers that move about from home to home trying to have a normal life with their mother who is still trying to find the love of her life and get married...while she runs off trying to find love the children take care of themselves, don`t go to school although they`d wish to and don`t get out of the house so the neighbours don`t find out how many they are and force them to leave...one brother has to take care of the rest, cook , clean, handle the money...

charming sad movie i have not finished watching yet :)...
i suppose we all want something or ourselves to be known at some point but can`t do anything about it most of the time.

and this makes me wonder about something: how many of us gave up something we wanted for someone else to get what they want ?

rants part i don`t care let`s just get on with it

2011-03-22T02:19:00.000-07:00

I took the liberty to update my what pisses me off lately list . So without further ado here it is:

* people that brag about their sex life. seriously . how insecure can you be, to brag about something that newsflash! everybody is doing...trust me when bugs and animals do it, everyone is, you did not invent it and you do not excel at it, it`s a natural need. what`s next ? bragging about breathing...i wouldn`t be surprised.

* no lifers. people are dying in Japan, people are dying of starvation and in wars, resources are scarce, jobs, taxes, economy is down...and you`re pissed by spam mail. your life must be really empty that you actually check your spam mail and get surprised no not suprised, shocked by what you find...but yes, please blog to us about your favorite tea flavour and how your greatest achievement was staying up late to watch 10 movies...please waste our time some more...get some grown up problems or shut the fuck up.

* people that have no idea what personal stands for. really, journal whether online or not is personal, for you only to see, not a tacky display of your most boring thoughts and daily activities. trust me honey, no one really wants to know what flavour your cupcake is, that you own a camera, and that your boyfriend is X. really, get over yourself. Nobody cares.

*pseudo feminists. you know who they are "yeah yeah equal rights for men and women...me? get a job? be independent? but i`m lazy plus my hubby takes care of me so why on earth would i really try?" how do you expect to have your partners respect as a human being how can you be taken seriously when you reduce yourself to an average housewife? to think women in the past risked their liberty and their life just for you to have this freedom and you abuse it, you should feel ashamed. go ahead breed, you officially have no other purpose in this life.

to be continued...

come on, do it, you know you want to

2011-02-07T09:43:00.000-08:00

So I`ve noticed a stupid trend...how people let their taste dictate the rest of their life like : "oh I like goth music, I suppose I should wear gothic clothes and only have black stuff around me, God forbid people mistake me for an individual, I want to be GAWTH and to fit in the best way I can!"
I want to be better than that, I want to invent myself to not look at the label, to not wonder what people think...to just choose what I like because I like it...I`ll admit I don`t know exactly what I want who I am or what is it that I like exactly...but I refuse standards...I don`t want a lot of people around me kissing my ass and talking behind my back, I so not need contacts so I`ll never suck up to anyone, i don`t care about my reputation and I`ll always tell you the truth, it`s your choice how you decide to take it...
I`m sick of men not bothering to surprise me...I`m sick of women jumping through hoops just to get attention from men....I`d rather be alone, I`d rather isolate myself than be around all of you...

i miss this

2011-01-27T14:44:00.001-08:00

i miss doing things, knitting sewing etc......should do more amigurumis, should knit a new beret...should drink more coffee so i can finish faster...ohh

more Totoro`s and more zombie bunnies to come...

Writer's block

2010-12-25T19:23:00.000-08:00

I wanted to make a post about love and hate and how they`re so intense they move us, I then wanted to make a post about fitting in and antidepressants, something about not supressing your feelings and not being afraid to stand out sometimes just because everyone will judge you...I`m just so overwhelmed with so many things I can`t put together a text that makes sense. I have been reading some people though, some whom I respect some whom I don`t, but I can`t do it just for the sake of continuity..

I wanted to talk about the things that impress me and the things that leave me uninterested (I do have to be careful about that though)

I wanted to talk about how I`m happy some people still surprise me and how shallow I feel when I tend to judge them from the start or simply assume things about them that are not true (don`t get me wrong most of the times the rule still applies). I`m glad there still are beautiful people out there.

I want so many things I have no idea how to start where to start from so don`t get me wrong, I`m still here still thinking still ranting still questioning everything...

Oh..I`m not very good with these, but happy hollidays to all people I love and respect and especially to all the beautiful people I had the fortune of meeting this year, you deserve all the love in the world.

Dear Stalker (you know who you are)

2010-11-30T19:28:00.001-08:00

I suppose I can might as well write to you here since you stalk my every step anyway. I am afraid for my safety and can no longer go out to a party without you following me.
Do any of the following again and i will bring in the authorities:

do not follow me
do not touch me
do not stalk me outside the womens bathrooms
do not call/ message me ever again, i have more than 6 numbers and hundreds of messages i`ll present to the police; hope you noticed i changed my phone no and will change it again if i have to;
if you see me leaving a club do not follow me till i get in the taxi or wait for me outside the club so i cannot enter.
do not watch me socialise or listen in on my conversations.
when i say no it means no, when me or my friends tell you to fuck off and that you`re scaring me you should be a gentleman and respect that.

list to be completed...

you are a sick sick person and i suggest you get help or move on to your next victim. there was never anything between us so why you keep obsessing i don`t know.

i`m gonna live forever

2010-10-15T17:02:00.000-07:00

these past few weeks have been brutal to me. i`ve had to work over time, sleep more and eat poorly. i realised that i`ve probably been built to consume less food than i require in a time a crisis, so little that i sometimes wonder how i don`t pass out.... made me imagine myself at the end of the world as we know it, just me, the cockroaches and that indian guy that doesn`t eat or drink.

me: *munching on a cockroach* hey dude, want some?
indian dude: *meditating in silence*
me: meh, more for me :)

disclaimer: hell weeks have past and i`m beggining to eat proper.

are you really open minded?

2010-08-09T04:29:00.000-07:00

this is a question i want all of you intelectuals to ask yourselves. are you really? or do you just depend on other people to dictate what you should like and place you in your safe stereotype.

Rant #1 Hates

2010-07-23T15:12:00.000-07:00

i`ll admit i`m pretty difficult as a person so i`m pretty specific about the things i hate. i`ll make it obvious as i tend to rant about it each chance i get. if you don`t know me yet welcome to my life grab some pop corn and enjoy:

i hate:

liars, i have a great intuition so i tend to see them for who they are instantly and choose not to get close, if i do give liars a chance and try to maybe accept them for what they are it`s not going to work: i`m too proud to accept that they`ll insult my inteligence by asuming i`ll fall for their stories (see how i avoided the word "shit"?)

women with no pride, i`m a feminist so i won`t concieve that a girl will just accept to be belittled just for the attention af some dumbass that won`t ever respect her no matter what she does.

naive people (usually girls). really? how did you survive so far? where is natural selection when you need it? you people make me sick and you shouldn`t be alowed to reproduce.

people imune to reason. you know them. you ask them a question to prove a point they`ll answer with something completely different. you try to baby step them into the direction of your point and they get lost along the way; and usually it`s the simplest of things they can`t seem to understand. so what i tend to do is just shut up, leave it be and avoid a discussion that won`t have any reasonable closure.

how people can`t seem to understand subtlety. because when i read a book and keep on reading it after you started to spit me with your useless facts and data i never asked to hear, reason dictates that you should take a hint and shut up. usually this calls for my legendary bluntness and this also explains why (to this day) i can`t have friends.usefull tip of the day : never lower your standards. you`ll be disapointed ofcourse, the only difference is that this time it`s you telling yourself "i told you so".

this will do for now....later my muffin junkies.

Fufu in SocialLand

2010-06-05T01:34:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: e posibil sa fiu foarte subiectiva si sa-mi expun exclusiv parerea mea...pt cei usor de ofensat luati asta in considerare.

Am promis update-uri si am sa incerc sa ma tin de cuvant desi nu stiu de unde sa incep.
Am inceput sa ies mai des in oras (lucru care se va schimba) si m-am bucurat atunci cand am aflat ca se va deschide un nou club: Tago Mago. Astfel ca in capul meu s-a conturat ideea ca va fi o alternativa pt Control si ca nu va trebui sa merg in acelasi loc de fiecare data.Ce pot spune... e mult mai spatios, arata bine iar terasa e si ea foarte incapatoare (grozav daca iti place sa iesi la o bere vara). aici intra dezavantajele.

Eu una nu stiu de ce ies unii in cluburi dar eu ies ca sa dansez si sa pun oboseala/stresul deoparte, nu ma intereseaza sa cunosc oameni noi.... iar daca ies am grija sa fie o seara in care se pune muzica pt a se dansa...mare greseala ca am incercat Tago Mago, cu exceptia momentelor in care s-a strecurat muzica din Control (si aici multumiri persoanelor in cauza, se stiu ele) n-am auzit decat muzica house repetitiva pt creiere prajite. Asa ca daca esti ca mine si chiar te intereseaza muzica, Tago Mago nu este locul ideal pt tine...daca nu iti pasa ce se aude pe fundal, daca vii sa-ti iei doza de alcool impreuna cu cativa prieteni atunci e ok, acesta e locul perfect pentru tine si poti sa ignori tot ce am spus mai sus. Desigur loc extrem de recomandat hipsterilor care nu au nici o tangenta cu muzica, care vin in turme cautand aprobarea celor din jur si care spre sfarsitul serii cauta un partener de sex opus cu care sa se laude mai tarziu ca au facut schimb de "body fluids".

De asemenea, desi un loc cu mult potential plasarea lui nu cred ca e tocmai inspirata. de fiecare data am ajuns cu taxi-ul si de fiecare data am pus omul sa se invarte pe toate aleele pana cand a gasit destinatia, un lucru de altfel neplacut daca iei in considerare ca asta se intampla noaptea cand toate cladirile arata la fel. Tin sa mentionez aici ca nu am vazut nici un logo care sa scoata cladirea respectiva din anonimat. Sa nu ma fi uitat bine? am sa trec cu vederea pt ca de fiecare data cand am venit era trecut de ora 12 sau 1 si in acelasi timp am sa iau in considerare ca Tago Mago e inca tanar si are timp sa creasca, desi cu totii stim ca varsta nu e o garantie pt inteligenta sau maturitate.

Am avut placerea sa intalnesc cateva fete cunoscute care au trecut pe aici din curiozitate si care la fel ca si mine, nu planuiesc sa se intoarca prea curand, nu ii pot invinui deloc.

Eu inca astept update-uri, poate evenimente care sa imi trezeasca interesul, pana atunci raman profund dezamagita de Tago Mago si nu consider ca merita efortul de a plati taxi-ul pana acolo cand exista alternative mult mai bune in momentul de fata. Back to Control for me:).

i`m skinny and nobody likes me...

2010-03-07T21:01:00.000-08:00

i am the kind of person that can`t stand hypocrisy so every chance i get i call people on it. the only example i can think of now, is the skinny incident.
now i don`t know how many know me in real life (i doubt many, as i`m not too social) but one thing has been obvious about me: i have been skinny all my life and since i don`t have an eating disorder, i really hate to be reminded everyother day of how i look, as if i don`t own a mirror.
i allways get the "omg you`re sooo skinny" (me: thank you captain obvious , now why don`t you go tell a suicidal person he`s worthless) "why don`t you eat more?" (me : really that`s all you had to do to get fat? wow thank you kind stranger you have saved my life!) "put some meat on those bones!" "me : *whips out machete* willing to donate? :D"
the thing that puzzles me is what are these people thinking? that they`re doing me a favour? self rightous bastards. you`re just as insecure about your own body and all you`re doing is trying to feel better about yourself by giving me bullshit advice (meh if only it were advice). why i say this?because it`s usually slightly overweight to darn right fatties that come up to me and tell me this with a fake sense of concern (as if).
and you know what`s the best part? your average person wouldn`t dare bring up the weight subject with a fat person thinking it might be rude and hurt their feelings. and that is why i think that fat people have it better than me and are more socially accepted. i do not get the talk behind my back treatment.

last but not least i`m gonna leave you with a song...change the words to i`m skinny and nobody likes me and you have a good image of my life :D. enjoy

gloomy sunday or late new year resolutions? you be the judge

2010-02-07T12:47:00.000-08:00

outside is this awfull snow storm but i didn`t care i put on my music recreating magic ear things and headed for my local supermarket i grabbed some noodles some vegetables for a rich salad and a lot of magazines as i have my fashion needs.
so here i am, home alone on a sunday night drinking tea, coffee, capuccinos watching movies, porn, listening to music....i read a book for 3 hours but fell asleep.i have so many things i could do but i feel bored.
i made my shopping plans for the future and all i can do to distract myself is day dream. in 2 months i`m getting my dream sewing machine, then an expresso machine (d`uuh)... i want to perfect my crocheting and sewing skills and actually see if i can sell anything (i`m actually curious if i can) and maybe one day get enough money move to Japan (no reason, i have no one that keeps me here anyway)...in my head i think japanese are the only ones that could find me attractive.ok the last part was off the top, but i would like to live there, second choices would be Berlin or somewhere in Sweden...
you didn`t think this would be a meaningful post about life using a shoe metaphor, did you? it`s my god damn blog

masturbation and bad writing under the influence (of caffeine)

2010-02-01T05:09:00.000-08:00

all my life has been a series of masturbatory events...bold intro?
i don`t mean to attract attention in the way i`m sure you`re already thinking of.but when it comes to friends, lovers, pleasure, and other needs i always relied on masturbation ..but what happens when i fail to satisfy? when i am not enough anymore? when all the questions remain unanswered?
what do i do when i realize that i need more and that there is nothing out there? well denial works for a while, meaningless distractions work too... but does this all make me a stranger to myself or just vulnerable?
i must admit this pathetic stage won`t do wonders on those with huge throbbing egos :)
i suppose i need a new fetish. any suggestions?

i`m not dead

2010-01-19T16:03:00.000-08:00

i swear i had a lot of ideas i abandoned as i was deprived of sleep...and i know i promissed i`d come back with words rants and updates and i will...i just need to clear my thoughts have a nap and restart... i have so many things to say... about shoes, work mates, amigurumis, coffee and sex...

god how i miss the days i drank coffee just cuz i liked it not because i had to stay awake :(

The only thing my mom taught me was to be a cynic

2009-11-23T06:57:00.000-08:00

“Why are you so mean?” I often get asked… I never have a short answer for this, and never one that they look for.

I am not mean, I am honest, few people see that I`m not the type to hide the truth no matter the reason, the question you want to ask me is “why the sarcasm?” why? Hmmm I bet you`d like to hear that I was emotionally and physically abused as a child (true, but which kid from my generation didn`t) and that this is just a self defense mechanism… no, I am sick of liars, hypocrites, naive girls, people who can`t stop victimizing themselves, people who just “didn`t see it coming”.

It`s no secret I don`t get along with my parents, and that`s not because I didn`t try, no. They`re the only ones I can never be honest to, because they simply don`t want to hear a truth that doesn`t agree with them. They mistook my diplomacy for obedience all these years while taking care that I never develop dreams of my own or even a confident self image.

I am grateful for one thing though: my mother, in her neurotic episodes always warned me about men, people and everything that`s out there before I ever got the chance to see them for myself. That`s how I developed my famous bullshit detector.

So if you ever see me in a corner, silently drinking my coffee occasionally looking at you, that`s me seeing right though you. Yeah either that or plotting against you

busy busy Fufu

2009-11-15T07:04:00.000-08:00

i got a job, i got the flu, i sometimes have work nights ...and if i don`t work i usually either sleep or watch movies...didn`t bother to actually write anything here as i didn`t think anyone was waiting for a new post from me...that and i was/am lazy.
i promise to write something, possibly interesting... once my brain starts to function properly, or at least once i can digest normal rich foods...

later

she`s like heroin to me (coffee)

2009-09-27T13:09:00.000-07:00

hey don`t judge me, it really makes me happy...i would marry it if i could but i don`t want to ruin this perfect thing we have going on. i wonder if i could start worshiping coffee as a god........................................................i`m right on it!:D

hey i have a lot of spare time and feel like my brain is dying so i started doing all this crap i putt of last year but still feel bored if anyone has great movies or books or activities they`d like to suggest leave a comment below ...i`ll do it!

the people that wake (woke) me up in the morning

2009-09-20T01:20:00.001-07:00

If any international readers i would like to apologise, but this post needs to be in romanian.

Cu totii stiti de oamenii care striga "fiare vechi, fiare luam( loom)!" nu? ei bine...prima data cand m-am mutat in Bucuresti in vechiul apartament eram trezita in fiecare dimineata de cei care strigau asta, si eram foarte confuza pentru ca nu stiam niciodata ce spun. adica daca tot vor ceva , mi se pare normal sa o striga clar dar nu. si incercand in fiecare dimineata sa descifrez mesajul am ajuns la cateva posibilitati:

"n-avem/avem porc"
"n-avem / avem cort" - asta o intelegeam
" daca pleci, n-avem cot"
"fiare vechi , fiare roz/mov"

si lista poate continua...
faza cu adevarat amuzanta e cand inoptam prin alte parti si dimineata auzeam acelasi lucru cu un accent diferit si deci noi intelesuri.

joooy!

2009-08-29T07:37:00.000-07:00

me and roomie will never fight over men... she likes her men younger looking, well built with a passion for metal music, me? well i like my men older and smarter (a rare combo) and if they`re dead then that would be just GREAT.
i love my roomie, we never fight no matter what ...we pretty much have an unspoken agreement about delicate subjects (if only couples would be like that too - god knows i tried that but it takes two to tango).
where was i? oh who cares... i need some coffee and brain muffins...and some happy pills.

her faulty memory killed her

2009-08-27T12:17:00.000-07:00

so here i was home alone, with a huge head ache when i decided that some tea would do me good.
i let the water heat up as i went to play Plants vs Zombies (silly game i`m hooked on at the moment) ....after a while, ahh hell who am i kidding, after a good deal of time i smelled smoke... it seams that in the pot i should have had my tea there was only 2 teabags burning beautifully...
i swear one day my granny memory will be the death of me...let`s just hope i won`t have a ridiculous death like i dunno... falling asleep on the toilet and getting suffocated by fumes or smoke or... getting my face eaten by my cat after having forgotten to feed her (come to think of it, this might be cool...) or or or.... realizing my house is on fire, then going to find the extinguisher / call the firemen then forgetting why i left the room in the first place and proceeding with what i was doing before the fire. too much? you`d be surprised... and i`m in my twenties...well on the bright side i`ll leave behind a beautiful corpse or just a faceless one:)

got any braaains?

2009-08-26T09:57:00.000-07:00

back from the grave and hungrier then ever...